Cannibalist Anonymous
At Cannibalist Anonymous, we reach out to help cannibals who sincerely want to change. Our program is based on a simple 2 step process:
1. Stop eating other human beings.
2. Stop hanging around with people who eat human beings.
For your convenience, our meetings are held once a week, in a public spot with 24 hour video surveillance. We open the meeting with our standard greeting "Hi my name is YOUR NAME HERE, I eat people," and we move onto discussing why we do this. In many cases, it is due to the stereotype that humans taste good, better than pork. I personally have never cared for human, and only ate for the ritualistic bonding with my fellow cannibals, but everyone is different. Whether you dabble in cannibalism, or are a regular connoisseur of human flesh, we can break this habit once and for all. Our support group is trained to show you how to move on to beef, pork, and even tofu as substitutes for your usual meals. With our recipe ideas and cooking tips, you can relearn how to eat so you can enjoy fine restaurants dining, rather than eating in a blood-caked basement.
This weeks meeting will be on the Westbound subway 189 departing NYC's Central Station for Newark. We meet in the last car starting at 8 pm. Meetings generally last about 30 minutes, so be punctual and no weapons. Last year a new member slipped in a meat saw and disappeared with several member's arms. We have since installed metal detectors to prevent future accidents.
